In Memory of Michael Smith's Son: Elliot B. Smith

Patchogue Patch News Article Elliot B. Smith Son of Michael Smith

Elliot and 3 children Junior, Naomi & Niara

All that Elliot wanted was to be a good parent to his three children, which he adored and they him. Close friends remember him saying, "all I want to do is to go home" after being estranged from his wife for more than a year and going through a stressful divorce and custody battle.

It was warm balmy spring morning, in April 2012 when I received a cellphone call from my son, "I'm coming to visit you dad and then a friend in Raleigh, North Carolina." His voice was excited, and always squeaked with a high pitched tone as he laughed. Knowing that he surprised whoever he was talking to. Eight hours later, we hugged, and talked about how the family was doing back in New York. A few minutes later, I wanted to show off my cooking skills but he gently declined with a smirk and wanted to go out for some McDonalds.

We spent the day together and I had to show him off to my friends and neighbors. The next morning he drove to Raleigh and returned a day later. Because he was rising DJ', at the top of his game. He spent some time preparing songs for his next gig, on his Apple laptop, as I watched in amazement. He ironed some clothes for his trip back and we watched television, until the TV was watching us.

The next morning, he left to return to New York and while he was traveling, he texted a video to me.

I had to laugh because, it was just his way or most charming spontaneous characteristic to make people laugh, if he detected sadness. He loved to have fun, loved life and loved people. I was so grateful about his visit that I decided to visit him and my grandchildren, in May 2012. We spent a week together, going to the movies, bowling with the grands and many of his DJ gigs.

Spending time with my grands was like imagining what heaven would be. Naomi, the youngest never met me but she hugged my neck like a bear. Elliot was teaching me to be a grandfather because I wasn't much of dad, when he was a child. Not that I didn't want to or didn't try (it's complicated). I returned home to Weldon, North Carolina, praising God for my son and grateful that my son always showed me respect, no matter what happened in the past, and always said, "Dad I've got your back."

June 11th 2012 I received a chilling telephone call from one of his many friends, and a call that no parent ever dreams of or wants to hear about 2 am, in the morning. She called me dad, and said, "I think Elliot has been in an accident or might have been killed on his motorcycle, on his way to my house". I called the police and they confirmed that Elliot had died, after being hit by a SUV.

About 9:30 pm, the night before the accident, he and I had chatted on Facebook, and I asked How are you doing son because I hadn't heard from him for awhile. I said, "I'm not sure if I thanked you or forgot to tell you, thank you for showing me a good time during our visit and introducing me to all your friends and business partners."

He said, "hey dad I'm good and it was great having you visit." "Ok son, I'm just checking on my blessing, because a 2nd chance at being a dad doesn't happen often." "So take care and be safe."

Before my son's passing, I felt like a soaring eagle and now, I feel like my wings have been clipped and the wind beneath my wings has ceased to exist. The usual question haunted me, why God? And I finally concluded with, why not me, our family or his small lovely family. I think it's a question that we all may have to ask, when a tragedy happens in our own backyards.

What lessons can we learn about life and how delicate our lives are, as human beings, in a world that is spinning out of control? In order to make sense of everything that happened before and after this struggle. I had to simply go to my Lord because his word states that "My people are destroyed because you have rejected knowledge" Hosea 4:6 

Continuing to have faith in God, strengthened by his word, led by the power of the Holy Spirit and following the humble example of Jesus has truly returned the wind beneath my wings. So that I can soar like an eagle, content no matter what happens around me, full of the joy and peace that only Jesus gives because God does not make any mistakes.

More than two hundred of my son's friends on Facebook helped to support me through this ordeal, which shows how God can work through faithful individuals and I'm grateful. I've learned that having gratitude is better than having an attitude about the pitfalls of life because life can be short. I no longer ask why I've lived 67 years of many mistakes and a few successes or why do some parents outlive their children.

Elliot's last DJles Albums 

The Day of the Blue Heron at Weldon, NC

I chuckled, as I listened to my 42 year old son Elliot’s response to my talk about aging and at some point changing his lifestyle. Sympathetic and kind, Elliot replied, “Aunty Sandra and you make it sound so depressing.”

When I reflected on my son's statement, particularly the term “depressing” I thought about it and concluded that it was not my intent to make aging sound depressing because at least for me. My former and present life experiences are far from depressing, and if anything, I start each day excited about another opportunity to enjoy an abundant life and anticipate, what I call, new unexpected experiences.

During my younger years I aggressively anticipated and created new exciting experiences but today, I allow the unexpected experiences to excite me.

Never in my young wildest dreams (which I had many in my youth) did I think that I would be interested in photographing wildlife or even charmed into watching and taking pictures of rarely seen birds, such as the Blue Heron.

Most of my experiences with taking photos of the gawky looking Blue Heron had always been at a distance until one day, this shy bird made a visit, approximately 20 feet from where I stood on the Roanoke River Dock.

It was midday, close to 90 degrees and the day promised a long humid sticky day of fishing, as I planned to take my usual bike ride to the Roanoke River with three fishing rods in one hand, tightly grasping the handle bars, a pail on the other side on the handle bars for balance and with a tackle bag and cameras strapped to a rear rack.

Routinely, I’d go to the river to relax or fish for Striped Bass and talk with residents and tourists. But today was unusual because all I could think about and wanted to do was to catch a bucket full of big heavy weight Catfish. The more I thought about the unbearable heat, humidity and especially the Roanoke River’s slippery, muddy shore where I’d have to fish for catfish and finding my way down a deep sloping path.

The more I thought about my age and the possibility of slipping and falling or being confronted by snakes.

Nor would I be fishing from the safety of fishing from the dock where I’d stand in direct sunlight and bake for as long as I could take it and drinking gallons of water to fight off dehydration. No, today I was heading for the slippery, muddy, bug and snake infested dark hidden Roanoke River shoreline, where the big catfish hid under fallen trees and huge rocky crevices.

Cutoff from all the usual and expected noise of people, cars and freight trains blasting its horn as it pass through the small town of Weldon, and it was here on the river’s dark hidden shoreline that the unexpected happened for the second time.

The shy elusive Blue Heron, seemingly visited with me once again, after he posed momentarily for a picture at the rivers dock. Sure fishing for catfish was a success.

But it got better; because this time I had time to video the Blue Heron feeding on small fish just a few feet from where I quietly crouched to enjoy yet another unexpected life experience. I felt like a little boy exploring in the woods, searching and discovering a  new type of bug under leaves and rocks. Adrenalin pumped fiercely through my veins as I used every inch of discipline to observe the unexpected unfold before my eyes. Watch the video below.

As an ethnography researcher, it's my job to collect data over a period of time by a method called observation/participation in order to understand and write about how and why or if Weldon's culture is changing as a result of the town's community development program. Effective community development provides ethnographers the  opportunity to use bragging rights to help brand, promote and market every community activity that will attract people to the community. 

Weldon offers many different experiences such as the Blue Heron for tourist to enjoy and it is conveniently and strategically located five minutes off I-95 for families, sports fisherman, historical buffs, canoe and Kyack enthusiast to take time to smell the roses, and experience the unexpected from “The Rockfish Capital of the World.”